ASUnited (Arizona State University Weblog)

I know I haven’t been the most diligent in keeping the blog up to date and I truly apologize for that. You have to throw me a bone though. I’m a full time student and I also work to support myself through college just like many of you do. I’m not saying this for sympathy I’m just trying to explain myself. I guess it’s not a big deal to many people anyway. I mean, I haven’t gotten any urgent comments or hatemail criticizing me for not writing more so I guess it means you guys aren’t too crazy about my posts anyway.

So the intro has nothing to do with the title and reason for the post and I realize that. However, if you look at it from the point of view that the “State Press” for today contained nothing but irrelevant stories than I guess it does have SOMETHING to do with it. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t much enjoy reading the State Press. Occasionally there will be an article or two that catch my eye and I’ll grab one to read that one article and then flip through the rest of the paper before discarding it in the waste bin. However, as much as I like to dawg the State Press writers, I am pleasantly impressed with today’s edition.

In case any of you missed it. Today the State Press released it’s semi-annual “fake press” edition of the State Press. It looks almost identical to the regular State Press in every way except that each and every article, picture, comic, is all made up. Now I know some of us might throw out the low blow by uttering the never out-of-style one liner, “What else is new,” but I have to admit I really enjoyed the fakeness of the articles. It was seriously pretty dang funny. The front page headline kept me chuckling for a while with Lexington Bufont’s message about ASU giving Obama the coveted honorary foam finger instead of the honorary degree.

Here’s the latest on this story from Comedy Central.

My personal favorite however, was the Wheel of Fortune article entitle, “University Unable to Buy Vowels, Crow Says.” There’s a picture of the wheel of fortune board with the letters “RZN STT NVRSTY.” Here are a couple of sections from the article that pretty much tell the story. I was ROTF with this one.

“In tough financial times, with the University facing an unprecedented reduction of funding, state leaders need to seek out creative solutions in making cutbacks… [ones] that will balance the budget in a way that is fair for everyone,” said ASU President Michael Crow.

“Fortunately for the University community, I watch Wheel of Fortune with regularity,” he said.

The rising cost of buying vowels is part of a larger trend that is adversely affecting millions of working and middle-class families. According to a study released by the Commission of Phonetic Purchases, the average cost of vowels skyrocketed 170 percent in 2007, reaching $946 per barrel. Consonants, on the other hand, remained nearly steady with the 2006 average, rising 4 percent to $377 per barrel.

By removing its 10 vowels, the university expects to save more than $2 million per year.

My absolute favorite though was the line:

“It figures Crowe would do something hypocritical like this.” said biology junior Kara Ross. “He removes 10 vowels from the school’s name, yet he won’t touch his dear, ‘New American University’ moniker and its nine vowels.”

Classy stuff and great writing I must admit. Well done guys/gals. You made my day.

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